jessm78 (jessm78) wrote,

A birthday card disguised as a wedding invitation...

I have this friend who I met my first year of college.  We were in some of the same classes, we did stuff together over the summer, etc. and we graduated together.  We stayed in touch afterwards as much as we could (she lives in NY City), got together as much as we could under our different circumstances, but we drifted apart somewhat when she started a serious relationship about 4 years ago.  We'd still talk on the phone, email, and get together sometimes, but I slowly stopped hearing from her.  I wrote to her last summer and never heard back from her, except when she sent me a postcard from Hawaii - 3 sentences letting me know they were coming back that day and that her boyfriend proposed to her.  Not long afterwards, she sends this email out to everyone in her address book, crying because all the pictures they took on that trip are gone because her camera malfunctioned.

I got a Christmas card from her, as I do every year.  Nothing after that until...

I just received a birthday card from her yesterday.  She starts with "Long time, no talk" (she was the one who didn't talk), "Hey, happy birthday" and the rest of the long note is to let me know she's getting married this summer and I'm invited.  A few vague details about where the wedding is taking place and when, and if I bring a guest it should be someone special, someone who doesn't mind being invited to these things (pretty much a direct quote). 

It's probably wrong for me to feel this way but I felt almost insulted and hurt by this, because it seems kind of insensitive to me to write all about her wedding in a birthday card to a friend whom you haven't spoken to in ages.  She is online, so I don't know why she couldn't have just emailed me about her wedding.  I just don't think it was very appropriate to do in a birthday card.  It feels like a put-down because I'm a year older and still don't have anyone, kind of like "Hey it's your birthday! You're getting older and still single and I'm getting married!" Maybe that's stupid, but it's how I feel.

I haven't contacted her about this and I really don't intend to.  Right now I'm not going to attend the wedding, and especially not if I'm not seeing anyone at that point.  I don't like going to weddings alone, especially when they have the dancing.  When I was at my cousin's wedding in November and they asked all the single people to find someone to dance with, I had no one and I had to leave the room.  It bothers me more than it should, I know, but I'm pushing 30 and hate being reminded of how single I am when my friends are happily in a relationship/engaged/married.  Gee, is my bitterness showing much?

It's sad because she was a good friend to me.  She told me I was the only one of her friends who talked to her and offered sympathies when her father passed away 5 years ago.  Now it's like she is sending me a card not so much to wish me a happy birthday, but to let me know about her wedding.  I feel bad because I don't want to think ill of her, but I'm still hurt by it.

I'm in a rambling depressing mood now, so I'll end here.  Just wish I could give up my lifetime membership in the Lonely Hearts Club...
Tags: life

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